The Cadillac Kings

DOUBTIN’ THOMAS 

She calls me Doubtin’ Thomas cos I don’t believe her lies  x 2 

She keeps playin’ me for a fool while she’s out with other guys 

 She never asks me for money when payday comes around. x 2 

But she’s spending someone’s cash….in every bar in town 

 She can sweet talk the devil, like taking candy from a kid x 

She said there’s nothin’ I won’t do for you, that’s exactly what she did! 

 She came home at 4am, said the car ran out of gas 

Like the teacher used to tell me, I’m the bottom of her class 

ZOMBIE WALK 

It’s a crazy thing that’s going around, Takin’ over the country, takin’ over the town 

Everywhere you look their eyes on the phone, Cans on their ears, ain’t nobody home 

Don’t waste your time, don’t scratch your head, This is the age - of the living dead 

Don’t stand in their way, don’t bother to talk, Can’t nobody stop that Zombie Walk 

They step out on road they crossin’ on red, Better slam on your brakes or y’all end up dead 

They march into doors, they bump into glass, Trip on the sidewalk, and fall on their ass 

Now they’re back on their feet & back on their phone, Mouths wide open as they howl & moan 

Don’t stand in their way, don’t bother to talk, Can’t nobody stop that Zombie Walk 

This aint no magic, no voodoo curse, Just look around, things can’t get worse 

You know the voices tell them which way to go, They aint got the sense of when to say no 

Don’t waste your time, don’t scratch your head, This is the age - of the living dead 

Don’t stand in their way, don’t bother to talk, Can’t nobody stop that Zombie Walk 

SIX FEET FROM A RAT        

If you wanna survive at this dangerous time 

You gotta keep your head down, don’t step out of line 

You can call me a cynic, you can call me a jerk 

It all just comes in my line of work 

Sharpen your mind, don’t act too slow 

There’s always someone tryin’ to take your dough 

Step up to the base & swing that bat 

Cos you’re never more than six feet………….from a RAT 

It’s a jungle out there you may have heard 

Not all the snakes are in the trees, baby take my word 

There’s pretty/ fancy ones gonna squeeze you tight 

So always check your wallet/ pockets at the end of the night 

A sure fire bet you gotta refuse 

If it sounds too good you’re bound to lose 

Talk ain’t cheap and the earth ain’t flat 

And you’re never more than six feet………….from a RAT 

Keep a poker face when you’re checkin’ your hand 

A quiet man/ Quiet folks know the lay of the land 

You need to see what’s up around the bend 

Not every stranger is a long lost friend 

Bad guys come and bad guys go 

No rehearsal and you got no show 

Check out the cowboy in a ten gallon hat 

Cos you’re never more than six feet………….from a RAT 

CADILLAC BOOGIE 

Get your hair fixed honey, I’ll be there at nine, in the eldorado, gonna be on time    

Put on your dancin shoes, & not much more, We’re gonna rock that joint when they open the door 

We’re gonna boo—oogie, we’re gonna boo—oogie on that dance hall floor 

We’ll do the Cadillac boogie till we can’t boogie woogie no more. 

Check out Jivin’ Jean in her soulful dress & Dizzy Miss Lizzie always shakin’ that mess 

All the cats in town are cuttin a rug, See ‘em swing…stroll….jitterbug. 

We’re gonna etc 

See the hipsters, flipsters, real gone chicks, Struttin’ their stuff & diggin’ those licks 

The band is rockin & the rhythm’s hot, Cadillac boogie always hits the spot. 

We’re gonna etc 

Let’s party all night if the cops don’t show, keep the music high & the lights real low 

If you cant stand up, cruise the caddy back to that one room, low rent, country-shack. 

We’re gonna etc 

BONA FIDE 

See her smile/ when she’s on the dance floor 

She drives me wild / like never before 

I don’t need to decide / my girl is bona fide 

 She shakes her hair / and flashes those eyes 

Makes me feel / like I won the first prize 

Now we’re sitting ringside / my girl is bona fide 

They all say / she’ll run you around 

Break your heart / or leave you to drown 

But life ain’t cut & dried / my girl is bona fide 

 We’ve both, we’ve both/ been in the wrong place 

(At the) right time / but not enough space 

Now it’s a helluva ride / my girl is bona fide 

 WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES      

From the day you take your very first breath 

There’s only 2 things certain - taxes and death 

With my LOUSY luck, there ain’t no ifs and no buts 

When one door closes, another one SHUTS 

 Just because today is one that’s been cursed 

Don’t mean tomorrow can’t be WORSE 

We agreed to split but now she’s come back home 

I’m like a bald guy in a raffle who just won a comb 

 Some people like to get a long love letter 

But finding me a bathroom is a whole lot better 

Just a comfort break, and nothing more 

How come I always get the one, with NO LOCK ON THE DOOR 

 They say an itchy palm is a sign you’ll get money 

But the doc says its hives and THAT aint funny 

With my lousy luck, there ain’t no ifs and no buts 

When one door closes, another one SHUTS 

Bad luck and trouble are my friends for sure 

I’m in a good place now….it’s called the liquor store 

I got a master card, for all that whiskey & gin 

The only problem is, hell I can’t remember my pin! 

BETTY LOU JUST BROKE OUTA JAIL 

It’s breaking news right across the state, She climbed right over that prison gate 

I always knew how she got her kicks, Brand new shoes were her only fix 

Now they caught her robbing the US Mail, Betty Lou just broke outa jail 

She’s gone, my baby, she’s gone That girl is gone, my baby’s long gone 

You know that women gonna cheer and men gonna wail, Betty Lou just broke outa jail. 

She’s a sucker for every designer brand, Manolo Blahniks and Louboutins 

The judge told that gal at the end of the trial, I’m sending you baby where there ain’t no style 

But prison duds were always bound to fail, cos Betty Lou just broke outa jail 

They’ve nailed up her posters on Rodeo Drive, But they’re never gonna take the girl, dead or alive 

Like Baby Face Nelson or Bonnie & Clyde, There’s nowhere to run & nowhere to hide 

Cos she’s an earthquake right off the Richter scale, Betty Lou just broke outa jail 

TOO MUCH STUFF 

When the telephone rings or there’s knock at the door, My heart sinks lower than a jailhouse floor 

There stands the mailman, wants  me to sign, For one more package she bought online 

We got too much stuff x 2 

You know enough is enough 

We got too much stuff 

Chuck it out baby! 

We got slicers, dicers, blenders ’n grills, We got Boilers, steamers, grinders ’n mills 

We got barbecues, fryers & fondue sets, A popcorn maker, she bought for the pets 

Garage is full, you know the spare room’s gone, We can’t use the bath-room, we can’t find the John 

There’s no room to sit, no room to relax, She’s out there squeezin’ that card to the max 

CRASH AND BURN 

Let’s break out a bottle, and paint the town red, Get outa my mind, get into your head 

Let’s break out a bottle, and paint the town red, It’s an old cliche but, we can sleep when dead 

I’ll grab the money, you bring the charm, You take the honey, I’ll quit the farm 

I’ll grab the money honey, you bring the charm, We’re gonna rock this joint, switch off the alarm 

You stood in line, I took your turn, State of the nation, just ain’t my concern 

You stood in line momma and I took your turn, If we don’t make it, we’re all gonna crash and burn 

I fought the fight, you ran the race, I blew my top, you missed the chase 

I fought the fight honey, you ran the race , ust get into the car, we’re gonna be a disgrace 

I stood in line, you took my turn, State of the nation, just ain’t my  concern 

I stood in line and you took my turn, If we don’t make it, we’re all gonna crash and burn 

HAVANA MAMA 

Fifty miles north of New Orleans, And twenty miles east of Ville Platte 

Deep in the heart of a Louisiana bayou, Lives a Cuban lady with her Panama cat 

She can mix you any kinda potion, Drink it down, make you feel like a man 

She can summon any kind of notion, If anyone can help you Havana Mama can 

Knock on her door boy any day or night,  Havana Mama makes  everything al-right 

If you’re in any kind of trouble, If you’re really down on your luck 

Pay her a visit take a few dollars, Havana Mama’s gonna build you up 

She can fix you any kind of ju ju, She can massage your achin’ back 

She can conjure mighty mighty voodoo, Make your enemy drop in his track 

Anytime you feel a little lonesome, Anytime you feel real low 

Havana Mama knows how to console you, She can roll a cigar real slow 

So if you’re ever down in the bayou, Feelin lower than a river rat 

If you need a hand with your mojo, See that lady down there with her Panama cat 

Knock on her etc 

IT AINT SMART 

I know you aint no Einstein I’m no Henry Ford 

The world is full of wonders While you sit there lookin’ bored 

So keep on chewin’ that gum Keep on suckin’ your thumb 

Believe me when I tell you It ain’t smart to be dumb 

 They say that travel makes you wiser And broadens up your mind 

So how come when we fly home Your brains get left behind      

 You’re always on that cellphone Just taking one more look 

They’re closing all the libraries Cos folks wont read a book       

 Some people go to college Get degrees I don’t know how 

Seems schools are full of children Don’t know milk comes from a cow

ALL SONGS © Mike Thomas 2022